The Advice of Lilith Adler
by HMS Jones
Summary: Harry Potter is a pretty easy going guy, but yeah, he has a temper and quite a lot of hidden angst and now he's living in Lima, Ohio with his gay guardians and he's joining glee. Should be fun.
1. Livin' In A Lonely World

Title: The Advice of Lilith Adler.

Author: HMS Jones (previously Chipmunki)

Rating: T

Warnings: harsh language, homophobic language, slash (Sirius/Remus) and other teenage stuff.

Summary: Harry Potter is a pretty easy going guy, but yeah, he has a temper and quite a lot of hidden angst and now he's living in Lima, Ohio with his gay guardians and he's joining glee. Should be fun.

oOo

'By Definition, Glee Is About Opening Yourself Up To Joy.' Lilith Adler, Glee Advisor.

oOo

Santana smirked when she thought of hm. Matt laughed and Puck smirked evenly, but genuinely. Brittany squealed and clapped her hands.

Pretty much everybody in the school liked him. He was good looking, average height, with messier hair than anyone in Ohio had seen before and eyes greener than the grass after the rain. He was tanned and, according to Santana, he was ripped too. He smiled a lot, had excellent grades, and didn't even get targeted when he awkwardly helped Tina Cohen-Chang clean up after being slushied one day in the girls bathroom.

He even helped Kurt out of a dumpster one day, smiling chivalrously at the blushing brunet.

So why didn't Finn like him?

oOo

Finn thought he was creepy. That may have been it. He didn't like the way the green eyed boy stared into space sometimes in lessons, like his body was listening to Mr Schue drone on but his mind was, like, somewhere else. Anyway, it was odd – and it was freaking Finn out!

His eyes got all dark and angry, like Puck's did whenever someone brought up his dad around his mom or tried to hurt his little sister. Finn had known Puck a long time; he knew the things Puck could do when he got that angry. Once he smashed a guy's face into wall. He broke this kid's arm for insulting his sister. Puck got sad whenever things like that happened, whenever he got that angry, and Puck was the strongest, most not-sad person he knew, y'know, so his eyes going that dark and scary must be a bad thing.

The idea of sitting in classes with somebody who got like that without any pro-provo-privoca- reason for it made Finn's skin crawl. He hated the thought of it, and people were noticing. Rachel mostly, because she liked to watch him, which was a little creepy but he just guessed it was her way of being a friend. Watching him. A lot.

But, whatever. Harry Potter was still the weirdest kid in class.

And that was saying something, Finn thought, not half an hour later, standing in the middle of the music room, lost in thought. He had only been in glee for a couple of weeks and he already knew that really he should be avoiding Rachel and that weird Kurt kid. They were kind of freaky, and the look in Rachel's eyes when she sang that song from that musical with John Travolta in it kind of made him uncomfortable.

A sudden slap on the back from Puck startled him, and Finn walked to his seat, waiting for Mr Schue to come in and start the meeting. He looked around the room, making sure not to let his eyes linger on Rachel to long because Quinn would be watching and with the whole pregnancy thing she was really hormonal and angry at him. But he kinda got distracted by the really short skirt Rachel was wearing and when he managed to tear his eyes away to look at Quinn she was wearing that expression which meant he would be getting in trouble later. Finn pouted, looking ashamed, but forgot about Quinn when the door opened to let in Mr Schue. He was really excited for Glee so Finn wasn't ashamed that he sat up straight and that Puck would be able to tell he really liked it here. But then he saw who was coming in after. Harry freakin' Potter!

Finn deflated like a balloon with all of its air let out. Only without the cool noise or rushing around the room like a rocket ship. Finn kind of wished he had a rocket ship. He could go on a mission to Mars or something. It'd be like in Futurama – only for it to really be like Futurama he'd need a time machine or one of those chryo-chryogen- things that people can freeze themselves in so they can live until there was a cure for old age.

Realising he had been distracted from the fact creepy kid Harry Potter had joined Glee, Finn tuned back into the conversation. Santana and Brittany were all over Harry, who was blushing but seemed to be taking it all in stride. He had fist bumped Mike and Matt and nodded to Kurt, who was looking at him with really big eyes and he was all red – was it hot in here? Was Kurt sick? Fevers were dangerous! His mom had said so! There was this one time when he was a kid and he had a fever and his mom said he had almost died!

Finn came out of his thoughts in time to see a moody looking Potter stand in front of the group. Just like the others coming in to the group – he had to sing.

oOo

It was a cold sort of morning the day that Harry James Potter was almost expelled from his High school. It was late October, nearing Halloween, so he was already in a terrible mood. He had had a nightmare last night, so he had dark circles under his eyes and a terrible head ache. Plus Remus and Sirius had had an argument earlier that morning in hushed, harsh whispers. It was just the icing on the cake that his glove got a hole in it at the end of his thumb, so it stuck out into the cool air, making Harry fear it would turn blue.

His temper was terrible and hanging by a lose thread. He tried his best to just ignore everything, shivering slightly in the freezing corridors as he walked to his roll call. Then out of nowhere a splash of neon orange flashed next to him. The edges of the wave of sugar, ice and colouring hit Harry, soaking through his dark coat to latch icy fingers onto his arm.

Inadvertently, Harry had just been slushied by some douche bag.

However, Harry would later swear to the principal, Sirius, Remus and the other students that it was the insult Karofsky and his partner in crime Aizimio chose to spear at the boy next to him that made his freeze, turn around and punch the Hockey player who had splashed him in the face.

It was a direct hit to the nose, Harry could feel the bone break under his fist and the warm splash of blood accidentally wiped on his fist sent a thrill of satisfaction through him. This was echoed by the solid kick to the groin he sent at Aizimio when he tried to get involved and the sight of them both cowering on the floor was excellent.

He ignored the awed and amazed look being sent at him by the boy next to him (Kurt or something) and leant down.

"You say anything like that again and I will make you regret it," His British accent made the words sharper to the Hockey player on the floor but the venom in Harry's voice would have been apparent to anyone.

And it was. It also wasn't surprising. You don't say something like "Burn in hell, faggot!" around Harry, because it would end badly for you. It had been a rumour across the school that Harry's parents were gay.

And that was how he ended up in the Headmaster's – Principal's office, with Remus on one side and Sirius on the other. All three of the surrounding adults looked angry. Remus looked especially incensed, he was practically a pacifist and hated people using violence were words would be just as effective if not more. So Harry just slouched there, looking sullen (as he was wont to do when feeling moody) whilst Remus told him he needed a more sensible and natural outlet for his emotions, that he would be joining some sort of singing club because and he quotes 'you like singing in the shower'. It would also give him a chance to socialise! The look in Remus's eyes told him not to argue, but he tried anyway.

"Glee? You want me to join Glee club? Because I like to sing in the shower! Remus, everybody likes to sing in the shower! Sirius likes to sing in the shower! And Sirius can't sing! And Glee is not socialising, it's social suicide. Nobody likes Glee kids except from Glee kids."

Remus's eyes only lightened in colour to a more honey shade, as they always did when Remus was truly angry. "Harry James Potter! You are joining Glee Club! If you feel like you can punch somebody in the face then maybe you deserve to lose a bit of that ego!"

"But he called that Hummel kid a faggot!" Harry saw Remus's eyes gentle and felt Sirius squeeze a shoulder. They were the only family Harry had and they knew he was very protective of them. But Remus still stayed strong.

"I'm sorry, but Harry, I'm not going letting you go unpunished for this. Perhaps you'll have fun in Glee club. The Pierces say that Brittany has a ball of fun there! And you know Tina loves that club!"

Harry looked mulishly at his hands before muttering, "You are so lucky I have a cool English James Bond accent."

Sirius laughed behind him, happy to have his agreement as he was much better at the sneaking cookies before dinner, here buy yourself something pretty kind of parenting. Remus smiled at them both.

"Is that aright, Principal Figgins? He will be punished at home as well."

The Indian man nodded, "Yes, it should be fine. See you tomorrow Mr Potter, at Glee."

The teenager nodded and moved with his guardians to the door, stopping when Sirius turned and said "You'll be doing something about that Karofsky kid?"

The Principal nodded, used to hearing the suggestive 'if you don't I will' tone of voice from his cheerio coach, and knowing he would have to finally try to clean up the bulling mess in his school, which was impossible to do without a formal complaint, which it seemed the young Mr Hummel was too proud to try.

He huffed out a laugh after the door closed, David Karofsky's face when he came in to complain to Figgins had been hilarious. Maybe Mr H J Potter would be a good thing for the Glee Club. But then again, with the clubs reputation, Glee Club might be a bad thing for Mr Potter.

oOo

And that was how Harry James Potter ended up standing in front of a crowd of 13 about to sing a song he had only really heard of a couple of months ago when he came back into the muggle world, and, no, there was not any butterflies flapping frantically in his stomach.

Then Mr Schue stood and said,

"Okay, Harry, why don't you tell us why you want to join Glee, then you can just sing something for us!"

The darker haired boy made a face at Mr Schue.

"Erm, did you want something that'll back you feel better about your little club or the truth?"

Mr Schue looked shocked and looked at his precious glee clubbers whilst murmurs echoed through the room. Rachel stood up, her mouth open wide in outrage but was yanked back down and glared into submission by Santana.

"We'd like the truth, if it's not too difficult for you." Sniped Kurt, nose high, glaring ice beams at Harry. Harry took this look as a challenge and, well, he'd never been the best at passing up challenges. He couldn't count on both hands the evidence of that, along with a long standing rivalry with Malfoy. He couldn't help but grimace.

"Er, when I beat up those guys who called you a 'faggot', my guardians and the principal decided that being in this club would help take care of my ego," he half mumbled. He could never quite master the 'talk at them until they run away' approach that Sirius claimed was so effective.

But Tina and Brittany were sitting in the room, both with smiles, and Santana was smirking at them and even though it was kind of scary, it also gave him some confidence.

"To be honest, I'm really only here because I have to be," he said, seeing faces drop into frowns or glares. He stopped with an awkward smile as Mr Schuster's hand clapped down onto his shoulder. He shifted away.

"Well, alright then!" he declared, "But, anyway, guys, every voice counts! Let's give Harry a warm welcome!"

There was some half-hearted clapping as Mr Schuster gestured to the band.

"Harry'll be singing for us today!" he said, as the band starting playing the right song, even though he hadn't given any music to them.

_Bloody hell_, he thought and tried to push down the nauseous mix of having too much pride to want to do this and being way too self-conscious to do this bubbling up in his stomach. But he had to do this. Remus wanted him to do it. He had no choice but to do this.

The glee clubbers watched, the voice was average in the way that it easily could have been improved by training (something Rachel promised to take over herself at the soonest possible moment, she needed backing singers!) but he was ... heartfelt. He was good.


	2. My Mind Is Missing Pieces Of You

Title: The Advice of Lilith Adler.

Author: HMS Jones (previously Chipmunki)

Rating: T

Warnings: harsh language, homophobic language, slash (Sirius/Remus) and other teenage stuff.

Summary: Harry Potter is a pretty easy going guy, but yeah, he has a temper and quite a lot of hidden angst and now he's living in Lima, Ohio with his gay guardians and he's joining glee. Should be fun.

oOo

'By Definition, Glee Is About Opening Yourself Up To Joy.' Lilith Adler, Glee Advisor.

oOo

Harry felt surrounded. In fact, Harry _was_ surrounded! A host of loud, gossiping glee clubbers pelted him with questions from every side. He wondered if this was what Luna meant when she said to beware the swarms of squabblers in the colonies.

oOo

"So, what are you doing here, Potter?"

Harry could feel himself blushing, Santana was pressed right up against his side – her boobs all squashed up into his arm and her breath hot in his ear. He managed to stay calm because he had dealt with fan girls before but never someone so deliberately sexy!

"There was..." he paused, and considered how to explain being kidnapped by the megalomaniac mass murderer who killed his parents when he was one and a half in an attempt to magically regain physical form so he could further what he considered to be a superior people and, basically, rule the world. "...Trouble back home, so we moved here."

The understatement would have made him laugh, except he couldn't, considering the fact he still had nightmares about Cedric. The glassy look in his eyes followed by the solid, harsh thump of his body hitting the ground after that blinding flash of bright green light. It was only one thing about that day that made it bearable. When he was transported back to the maze, he carried two bodies with him. One was the dead body of Cedric Diggory, Hogwarts champion.

The other the unconscious body of Peter Pettigrew.

Now _that_ made him laugh.

oOo

"Have you got a girlfriend, Harry?"

Brittany. Sweet little Brittany, with her pinkies linked with the demon child Santana. Harry wondered if they ever dressed up as an angel and a demon for Halloween. He kind of hoped not; Santana didn't need another reason to act that menacing.

"Well, Potter? Or should it be boyfriend?"

Santana. The word bitch scored itself across his mind as he remembered his wizarding life. He remembered walking on a cloud after he had realised that in the Wizarding World it was accepted and just as much of a norm to be in a heterosexual relationship as it was to be in a homosexual one. Hogwarts was full of kids with two mums or two dads; Terry Boot had two mums and Goyle's mum was a surrogate for Crabbe's dads (which explained a lot!). He wasn't a freak like Uncle Vernon had raged whenever a piece about gay rights came on to the television. It was okay for him to like boys and girls (and for him to think about Oliver Wood the way he thought about Cho Chang). And then Cho Chang came along, with Cedric and the realisation that if he wasn't allowed to have both, either would be just as attractive as a prospect. In fact, he realised over the course of the Triwizard Tournament, his crush on Cedric was probably the biggest one he'd ever had. He may not have dribbled his drink all over himself but he wasn't exactly suave either.

And then he'd been devastated when he died.

He shook Brittany of his arm and turned away,

"No," he said "I never had either."

Then he walked away.

oOo

He was closest friends to Tina most of all. It wasn't that surprising when he thought about it. She stuttered to avoid attention, he raged so people would stop looking at him. It also helped that he was distantly related to Cho and knew about the magical world through her mother's family (apparently the magical Asian community was even closer than the muggle Asian community.)

"Y-you can do it, H-H-Harry; you can be really ch-charming when you want t-to be!" Tina pleaded, her eyelids were painted gold today and she had made Harry help her streak her hair with red. Maybe she was hoping to remind Harry of the Harry Potter he was in Britain but he actually thought it was more likely she was trying to build up courage for herself (maybe something to do with the looks she had been sending Artie?), he knew she needed it.

He shook his head. "I don't know how to be charming, Tina, I've only ever been myself!" he retorted, they had been at this for hours, since Tina had grabbed Harry's arm at the beginning of school. They shared English and Maths together and that had given Tina over two hours worth of time to bug Harry into trying to convince Rachel to come back to glee.

"And Rachel is scary!"

Of course, he ended up doing it. The linoleum squeaked underfoot as he walked towards the auditorium, it had no doubt just been cleaned of slushy he thought vindictively, and Tina was really scary when she pulled that Daughter of the Asian Vampire King thing. Although technically it was her Great-Grandfather on her mother's side that was the vampire. And he wasn't a king or anything. As far as Tina knew he was roaming Russia right now. He occasionally sent letters, sometimes presents and once, a vampiric owl as a present for Tina. Her father had refused to let it into the house and it had been shipped to Korea and had been given to Tina's cousins.

Harry paused by the doors to the auditorium, the dark wood was surprisingly foreboding, and he wasn't quite sure what to think about the voice belting out that song from that musical 'Les Mis' or something. The lyrics were pretty angsty – and Harry could recognise angst when he saw, heard, smelt, even tasted it!

"And I know it's only in my mind  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him  
And although I know that he is blind  
Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him  
But when the night is over  
He is gone  
The river's just a river  
Without him  
The world around me changes  
The trees are bare and everywhere  
The streets are full of strangers!"

He had been in Glee Club long enough to recognise Rachel's voice when he heard it. And it was saddening the sorrow in her voice. The loneliness, dare he say it – the pain. He'd never really thought of these teenagers being in that much pain. Sure they got frozen drinks thrown at them and their stuff stolen and those disgusting swirlies he'd ended up helping out a couple of the ...er... more Ravenclaw-ish students from, but that was nothing when compared some of the stuff that went on back in England – at Hogwarts. Harry forcefully dragged his mind away from Cedric and Ginny and Ron, whose cherished childhood pet turned out to be a wizard in rat form and a spy.

Harry pushed open the door, and stepped inside. He walked down the aisle to the stage, where Rachel stood with her eyes closed, belting the rest of the song. He tried to think of something cool to say, but all that came out was a weak

"Are you okay?"

Rachel's eyes flew open. Her face was full of surprise and her face grew dark with dramatic outrage, then she registered what Harry had said. Then her face gentled. It took on the oddest expression of sadness, and shyness. It certainly wasn't what was to be expected from Rachel. It was too meek. He moved closer to the stage, until he stood at her feet, then, smiling, offered her a hand down.

oOo

"Do you think you'll be happier in the school musical than Glee Club?" He asked. They were sitting on the auditorium chairs. The red velvety fabric was plush beneath him as Harry wiggled further into it. Rachel sat primly next to him, blushing slightly. Harry got the impression she didn't get much male attention, even purely friendly attention.

She sat up straighter as she began to answer, "Of course I will. It'll be a chance for me to truly show my talent! This show is perfect!"

She was incredibly self-assured when she spoke of her future and her admittedly brilliant voice, but Harry couldn't help but think she was too self-assured, too confident. She was overconfident. If Tina hadn't wanted her back into Glee he would have been happy to let her go. Who the bloody hell quit a club because they didn't get a solo? But Tina wanted her back into Glee Club, and Tina was his friend, so he agreed to help her.

Harry sighed, his mind working quickly and piecing all of the odd bits of information together. He frowned, "Maybe a bit too perfect."

His green eyes narrowed. Rachel gaped at him, "What do you mean?" she said.

"Well, isn't Cabaret one of your favourite musicals? And don't you love Celine Dion?" he winced; Rachel had ranted more than once about the genius of such things and how they related to her. "It seems like the entire thing was devised to lure you in!" Harry grinned; he loved working out plots and mysteries and the professors had complained more than once about his curiosity.

When Rachel puffed up in pride at what he said, he continued. Not that he wanted to burst her bubble or something – but he was on a roll!

"And Coach Sylvester," he voice was a mix of admiration and fear – which he believed was just how Sylvester liked it. He had once seen her literally cut a girls hair off because it was in the Cheerio style and Sylvester didn't want 'her Cheerios associated with a dough ball of failure that smelt of out-of-date lemon bon-bons' and heard from Maxie Hartfield from his Chemistry class that she had once threatened the CEO of a company so that they would give a man a promotion in Ohio, not out of state, so that one of her best Cheerios would stay in McKinley. "is one of the teachers in charge of the musical and so is Sandy Ryerson, the man who used to be in charge of Glee before he fired because of accusations of him inappropriately touching students."

Rachel looked uncomfortable and slightly proud at the same time. Harry didn't want that explained. He continued, "They both have reasons for wanting Glee Club destroyed. Ryerson wants revenge, against the club that didn't support him and perhaps the one in Glee who reported him."

Rachel looked guilty and looked at the wall behind Harry, avoiding his eyes. Harry snorted. "I thought it was you." He added, "There were rumours." At her surprised glance.

She avoided his gaze again and he sighed. "Anyway, I know Sylvester hates Glee Club, I'm surprised she lets her Cheerios in it considering how much she hates it. And I've heard her insult Mr Schue's hair a lot, she seems to despise him. I wouldn't be surprised if she wanted to obliterate Glee Club just to take away something Mr Schue loves."

He sighed. "Face it, Rachel; they aren't doing this for your talent. They're doing this to destroy the club. They think without you in Glee they'll destroy Glee Club!"

He stood, leaving the shell shocked Rachel sitting in the seat, and rather awkwardly patted her on the shoulder, "You should come back to Glee, Rachel, believe it or not, we miss you and considering how I think Sandy's been treating you you'll get a lot more appreciation there. Which is what you want, right?"

He turned to face her, caught her eyes, looking at them in a straight forward manner and smiling again. He wanted to get his point through and he could do that best by just telling the truth.

"Come back to Glee. Even though I think you're arrogant and it's a little bit pathetic you quit just because you didn't get a solo the club is happier with you there and you're happier there than you are here. That's the best reason there is to go back."

Rachel looked conflicted, she stood uncertainly. "Could you leave?" she asked, "I think I need time to think about some things."

Harry nodded, and smiled again. "Sure"

As he left Rachel made her way to the stage and he felt sure she was going to sing another song. To someone who identified themselves so close with their voice it was probably the best way she could think, or so Harry thought. It was how he was like when he was flying. Everything was clearer in the air – including himself.

He made it past the door before he stopped. The dark wooden doors swung closed behind him as he came face to face with the infamous Cheerleading coach of McKinley High.

oOo

Harry wasn't sure how this had happened. Actually that was a lie. He knew how it happened, he just didn't understand why he hadn't done anything to stop it.

Harry sat in an uncomfortable polyester chair in Coach Sylvester's office. The chair was a bright red, obviously cheerio themed like most things in the office. Sylvester herself was wearing a white and red tracksuit. She had yanked him into her office muttering and yelling things about wasted talent, hair that belonged to a lesbian Disney princess and various outrageous insults. The insults were mostly aimed at the students that got in her way and Harry had a large suspicion that all the hair comments were aimed at Mr Schue. He self consciously raised a hand to his own hair and tried to flatten it. Like always, it didn't work.

Coach Sylvester sat in her own, more impressive, black chair behind a large desk. She was reclining, pumping one arm with a weight before switching to the next, talking all the time.

"So, Potter. I want you on my Cheerios." she said strongly. "There's an opening with one of my male tumblers, who can't be convinced that staying would be the best thing to do. Apparently a mortally ill relative is more important than my Cheerio routines. Impossible." She spat, looking disgusted. "I couldn't believe it. But then I saw you." She leant forward, eyes a hard gleaming blue "I don't believe in letting talent out of Sue Sylvester's grasp, even if it was first in the slimy, curly haired hold of one William Schuster."

Harry interrupted "I'm only in glee because I punched someone."

Sue stared at him until he shuffled awkwardly in his uncomfortable seat. Then she smiled, "Anger Management problems. You remind me of a young Sue Sylvester, only more feminine and without the eagle vision that made me the super soldier that I was in 'Nam."

She stood, "So you'll be joining my Cheeeios and you'll help us win our next inevitable trophy. See Quinn for practice times. Now get the hell out of my office." She shot out harshly.

Harry fled.

oOo

"So, er, Quinn, can I-", Harry stopped short. Quinn was standing alone in the Glee rehearsal room, clutching in her hands a bit of green clothe. Her eyes were red and her knuckles were straining white against the skin covering them as she gripped the object in her hands. "Are you okay?"

She sighed sadly, "This is Mekiki. Finn's dad bought it for Finn the day he was born. He said he slept with it every day as a kid. It's one of the only things that came from him."

Harry frowned, "Why would he give it to you?"

He stared at Quinn until she turned to look at him. Her eyes were full of tears, and her hands gripped the blanket tighter as an almost sob shuddered through her body.

"Oh." he stopped, and stepped forward. An arm tentatively reached forward to hug around her shoulders. "Bloody hell, Quinn, are you okay?"

"No, no I'm not." She turned in to his chest and began to sob. "What am I going to do?"

Harry held her until she calmed enough for her shoulders to stop shaking. His now wet shirt clung to his skin and he grimaced slightly but comfortingly tightened them around her, as she settled. She clung to him; her fingers digging through his shirt into his skin before letting him go. She took a step back, gathering herself with a self deprecating smile and a quick glance at him.

He let her out of the cradle of his arms and asked hesitantly, "Do you want to talk about this, Quinn?"

She sighed again, shaking her head softly and stroking the blanket, "No, I'm alright. I really just need some time to myself, to think about it."

He nodded, "Okay then. Well if you want to talk about it..." He left the sentence open, moving a hand through his hair and resisting the urge to adjust the glasses he no longer wore since he got contact lenses.

"You're here." She finished shakily, smiling. Quinn nodded and turned to leave. When she was at the door she half turned, one hand gracefully on the door handle, the other still gripping the blanket, the only indication to her turmoil over her situation. "What did you want, Potter?"

"Oh, Sylvester wants me to be a Cheerio, she, er, demanded I ask you for the rehearsal schedule but I can just ask Santana or Brittany." He paused, and then corrected himself wincing "I think I'll ask Brittany."

She smiled tightly back at him. "Okay then. You won't tell anyone about this, will you, Potter?"

"No," he affirmed stoutly, "No, I won't."

She nodded, then straightened her cheerleading uniform, "Good." She said, and left, tightening her ponytail as the door swung shut behind her.

Harry shook his head. Pregnant in high school, head cheerleader and head of the chastity club as well. What a thing. They only had giant snakes at Hogwarts.

oOo

Harry sat at the kitchen counter, watching Remus cook a stir fry. He was nearly finished, and with a few more tosses he carefully tipped out the contents of the wok onto three plates covered with noodles. Remus placed a plate in front of Harry and one on either side of him and then called for Sirius.

He slipped into the place next to Harry with a sigh and a soft hand on the teenagers shoulder. "So are you going to tell me what's wrong now?" he asked Harry, who was playing with her food.

Harry shook his head as Sirius waltzed into the room and slouched into the other seat next to Harry.

"Harry's not telling us something?" He asked, aghast "This should never happen. 13 years without you, Harry, we now need to know everything about you. You can't keep secrets."

Although he said it in a joking manner Harry knew he was at least partially serious. Sirius wanted to be a big part of Harry's life after missing so much of it and Remus was right behind him in that sentiment. They questioned him on his Dursley years and then on the first two years at Hogwarts – all of which had worried them greatly and only made them want to be a bigger part in Harry's life, a better guardian and defence against Voldemort, his followers, dark creatures (this Harry found ironic considering Remus and his furry little problem) and all of the humans out there who would do him harm.

Harry found it really stifling, but at the same time he loved it. He had never been cared for or protected at the Dursleys. Remus and Sirius were there for him. They were the ones to comfort him when he got nightmares or visions, the ones to lift him up when he got sad, the ones to calm him when he got into his rages. As independent as he was, he wanted a family and Remus and Sirius were the best family he could have ever thought of.

As if he knew Harry was thinking mushy thoughts Sirius reached out and grasped one of Harry's hands, whilst Remus's grip on his shoulder turned stronger and more protective. He smiled at them and began to talk.

oOo

At the next Glee meeting he was surrounded by questioners again.

"So why did you pick Lima? It doesn't seem like... the kind of place you would like."

It's Finn, who asks this, stuttering slightly over the last utterance as if he is afraid he may offend by finishing his sentence. Maybe he changed what he was going to say halfway through the sentence, Finn seems like the kind of guy to do that sort of thing.

To be honest, Harry feels kind of awkward answering that question. How do you tell someone who seems quite attached to their home town that you don't want to be here, it was just luck – of the bad persuasion? Harry went for white lies.

"We each threw a dart at a map of America. Then Rock, Paper, Scissor'd it to see where we could go. Remus won. And we ended up in this arse-sore of a place." Harry winced at the last metaphor for Lima, Ohio, which had Finn looking like a large puppy who had just been kicked.

"So you didn't want to live here?" He sounded incredibly hurt.

Harry sighed, Finn was fun, but could be annoying in large doses. "Let's put it this way – if it was up to me – and it would have been, I have awesome aim, we would be in New York right now."

"Not Las Vegas?" butted in Puck, with an arrogant yet charming smirk on his face.

"No," he answered, laughing "Sirius aimed for it, but he can't throw darts to save his life, so we would've been living in South Carolina if he didn't also fail at Rock, Paper, Scissors. He doesn't seem to understand that Scissors beat Paper every time."

The Glee club joined in his laughter.

All the time he laughed he felt guilty. The real reason he was in Ohio wasn't one he could tell a group of random muggles, even if some were becoming his friends. It was barely a reason he could admit to himself.

His mind whispered the reason traitorously. The voice was small, but sinister. Harry would have thought it was his connection to Voldemort had he not known himself so well. He had a rather terrible temper, and this voice was just himself being vicious.

The voice whispered it again and again, over and over, until it was all he could hear, until it melded together into one big rush of noise in his head and he wanted to punch someone to shut it up.

_Horcrux._


	3. Back In The USSR

Title: The Advice of Lilith Adler.

Author: Chipmunki

Rating: T

Warnings: harsh language, homophobic language, slash (Sirius/Remus) and other teenage stuff. Vague mentions of torture and self harm.

Summary: Harry Potter is a pretty easy going guy, but yeah, he has a temper and quite a lot of hidden angst and now he's living in Lima, Ohio with his gay guardians and he's joining glee. Should be fun.

oOo

'By Definition, Glee Is About Opening Yourself Up To Joy.' Lilith Adler, Glee Advisor.

oOo

Harry woke up in a calm, content mood. It was early in the morning, the sky was a pale blue green through the slim gap in his curtains and the light through it was weak. The birds were twittering lightly but everything else was just a quiet hum in the distance. Nothing could penetrate the calm of the morning.

When Harry rose, he did so without a word. He pushed his covers back and swung his legs out. His feet touched the floor with a light shush sound. He looked pale against the dark blue of his carpet, but he paid it no mind and silently slid into his clothes. They were dark blue and black because the lighter colours made his eyes ache this early in the morning. He stood facing the closed door for a second, before opening it and letting the cold air rush in. It swirled around him as he stepped out of the haven and into the world.

It was quiet.

Sirius and Remus wouldn't be up for a couple of hours. Sirius didn't have to go to work until 10 and it was a full moon today, so Remus had the day and the day after off work. His day today would be spent moving as little as possible so he didn't aggravate his aching bones and searching for the third horcrux on the list. Remus had been told by a werewolf informer who had been in Fenrir Greyback's pack during the height of Voldemort's power that he had sent those he trusted best to various countries around the world for 'diplomatic reasons'. Fenrir himself had been sent to America, the informer had told them, to the Midwest of the USA, with an object not to be touched by anybody that they had not returned with. The informer had told Remus that the Death Eaters had travelled to Russia, Australia, India and Germany but those were the only countries she knew about. And that there had been information she had heard about through the grape vine that some of them were decoys.

Harry moved in black socked feet to the kitchen, the sweet tinkling of cereal into a bowl was accompanied only by the soft twittering of the birds outside and the quiet hum of all of the electrical stuff in the kitchen. He sloshed some milk into the bowl and leant against the counter to eat his cereal. The taste was bland, but Harry's mind was consumed by other things. The horcrux in America.

Their informant had been sure it was in Lima, Ohio, and certain it was in a school there and they thought a public one for the easy access. Harry, Remus and Sirius had had agreed, thinking that maybe it was in McKinley because of how violent it was there, the intense bullying and harsh hierarchy was something they were certain would have intrigued and interested Voldemort.

There had been no sign of anything the pureblood bigot would touch in that school, let alone put a part of his soul into. The only things that hadn't been ruined were the large collection of cheerleading trophies decorating the various corridors of the school. Harry figured it was because everyone was terrified of Coach Sylvester. People in McKinley feared Coach Sylvester more that the students of Hogwarts feared Snape, which really showed the terror that track suit wearing woman inspired in her pupils.

They were having little luck with this horcrux however they were completely certain of the one in Russia. It was Helga Hufflepuffs cup and had been placed in one of the Black's off shore accounts by Bellatrix Black. They were flying out on Friday night to get it and destroy it over the weekend (which did mean that Harry would have to miss the show on Saturday night, but Harry refused to let them make him stay.)

Harry sighed and put his empty cereal bowl and spoon in the sink for Sirius to wash up later. Then grabbed his bag and began the short walk to school in silence.

oOo

Harry sat as he always did in Maths, middle row, to the left a bit so he could get out of the classroom as soon as possible. There was usually a chattering slightly overweight blonde girl on the left of him and a quiet Hispanic boy who spent most of the lesson sketching portraits in a notebook hidden behind his textbook. This lesson, though, things were different.

He happened to be one of the first kids into the classroom, just after all the keen math nerds, and when he slouched quietly into his chair the row of desks he sat in was empty. He began to get leery when they remained empty no matter how many people came in. The blonde sat one row ahead of him and the artist sat in the back row next to his Jock cousin. He knew something bad was going to happen in the next minute or so and sat, tense, waiting for it. He knew his prediction was right when Santana and Brittany sat primly down in the two seats around him. They usually sat in the back row, next to the jocks, flirting and getting absolutely no work done, and Harry had absolutely no idea why they were sitting next to him.

He and the two cheerleaders actually got along quite well, he got on better with Brittany than with Santana but, to be honest, who didn't? They had fun, occasionally talked in Glee Club, and Remus was friends with Brittany's mum and dad, but mostly they ignored each other.

"So Potter, You're joining Cheerios?" Santana bluntly asked, neither she nor Brittany got out any books or pens, but Brittany was concentrating rather hard on the teacher.

"I have a choice?" he quipped lightly, smiling as Santana smirked at him and Brittany giggled.

"No."

Harry's eyes widened, "okay," he said, confused and apprehensive. He tried his best to ignore them for the rest of the lesson, but ended up drawing Brittany a picture of a unicorn and helping Santana repaint her nails.

At the end of the lesson Harry left the classroom quickly, shouldering his bag as Santana called after him,

"Don't forget, Harry, you're a Cheerio now! Act like one!"

He sighed as he heard Brittany ask "Harry's become a breakfast cereal? I don't want to eat Harry for breakfast!"

oOo

Sirius traced a string of kisses down Remus's scarred back. They were soft, barely brushing the tanned skin, but Remus still shuddered in response. The navy blue covers covered them from the waist down, and Sirius looked awed as he caressed his hands down the sides of the man lying next to him.

Remus groaned softly, as the hands of his lover massaged the ache that permeated his body after a change out of his muscles. The room was warm and intimate and that relaxed him as much as Sirius's presence. His senses are amplified enough by his infection that he can feel the heat of his body with such intimacy that his body hairs rise in supplication for more.

"Does it still hurt, Moony?" Sirius asked, the concern in his voice making him tell the truth and nod.

"You're staying home this weekend. Me and Harry can collect and destroy the horcrux without you."

Remus moved up onto his elbows to protest but gentle hands pushed him back down, and a soft voice said "no, Remus, I know fragile you are after a full moon, you're staying here. We can't arrange for a portkey for this journey, so we'll have to go by plane. You know how bad you are in planes. With so many people around and your senses so heightened, it'll be torture."

"Sirius-"

"It's Russia. It'll be busy and freezing and we can do this one without you." He knew Moony would resent having to stay home, the thought that he could not be useful but still bring down the trouble of being a werewolf on their heads was one that he despised but come often to him. Sirius did all he could to dissuade these fears. Remus had saved him. He stroked hands lovingly down the tanned back in front of him, tracing the scars gently and leaning down to kiss them.

Remus smiled despite himself but said weakly "I can help..."

"No, Moony, just..." he started and hesitated, rubbing his hands up and down Remus's back again. He had had to watch the love of his life go through torture once a month since he was a teenager. He could not stand the idea that he could be hurt more because Sirius could not protect him. "Just let me have this, okay?"

Remus nodded, and melted once again into Sirius's hands.

oOo

Even though the Glee Clubbers had been annoyed that he could not be there for the show (Santana and Brittany trying to seduce him into coming and Finn dropping 'dudes' like they were going out of style in an effort to make them seem like 'bros' or something until Harry shouted at him to stop) but Harry did not have time to think about the Glee Club's feelings.

He and Sirius were travelling to the Dayton International Airport, the closest one to Lima and the one they would be getting a plane to Russia from. They were travelling via car because they could not apparate, use floo powder or a portkey as there was a chance they were being watched by the Death Eaters and they could not afford to reveal what they were doing here or in any country they visited to search for the illusive horcruxes. They were also without Remus, it had been the full moon the night before, and even though he wanted to come, Sirius had refused to let him.

Now Harry sat with a large wizard's map of St. Petersburg in his lap, mapping the quickest way to Gringotts without seeming to aim going there. If they were stopped it would seem like they were just getting some money out, but St. Petersburg was not exactly a wizarding tourist hotspot or a muggle one. The only magical event to happen there was the revealing of Rasputin to the muggle population, but his crazy behaviour and unrestrained use of magic in front to muggles to prevent his own death made him a rather unpopular historical figure to most witches and wizards.

Harry had planned it so they would look like they were going shopping. Russia had reputation for diamonds spelled for protection and charmed for luck. They were also very beautiful, combined with unicorn hairs and dragons teeth and whirling, twisting metal patterns. They could pretend to be looking at those and then pop into some other shops, for coats maybe. Russia exported a large number of coats and jackets spelled with warming charms. They were often made with fur, Harry was not sure which but he think it may have been bear, which was normally to mundane for Wizards to use but actually held spells for a very long time, or so Harry had read. He had done a lot of back ground reading on the countries they would be visiting looking for the Horcruxes. There had been enough countries on the list that it had looked like he had no particular interest in anywhere, so in case anyone had been watching, they would not have been able to predict where he, Sirius and Remus would be going.

It also greatly helped his Geography grade. Although, Harry couldn't care less about that.

They arrived at the airport with an hour before their plane left. In silence, Harry still planning and Sirius watching for Death Eaters, they made their way to their terminal.

oOo

Russia was cold, and busy and just as strange and foreign as he had imagined. The skyline of St Petersburg bulged with buildings, the modern chrome and silver blocks shining in the setting sun, the renaissance buildings with their swelling steeples and arches, patterned like children's lolly pops and sweets. He was not sure he liked Russia.

However, Harry was only going to be here for a few days, whilst he and Sirius searched for the illusive Horcrux. It was going to be difficult enough getting into the Black vault without alerting the mad Bellatrix and her less than sane husband, who would have no complaints with confronting them. But they also had to search the chamber for the Horcrux. Black vaults had a reputation for being packed with objects, a great many of them cursed or spelled, it was going to be very difficult to avoid them all.

They were nearing the St Petersburg branch of Gringotts. They moved closer to each other, closing ranks, taking strength from each other as they neared the most dangerous part in their mission. There was a danger of the Goblins refusing them entrance because of the uncertain nature of Sirius's position as Black heir or alerting the next in line – Narcissa Malfoy of the opening of the vault. There could be death eater protections around the vault or death eaters there.

They strode on, reaching the bank quickly. The doors had the same rhyme as the English one but written in Russian. It made the two of them nervous but Sirius leaned over with a cheeky grin and whispered to his poly-juiced companion "I am the heir, Harry, no matter what my crazy mother proclaimed. It's not stealing."

Harry grinned half-heartedly back and they carried on.

There was a queue for all of the goblins and they waited in tension for the witches and wizards in front of them to finish their transactions and be led away by the tiny, snarling but suited creatures. When they finally got to the cashier's desk it took them a little while longer to organise themselves. Sirius did not have any of the keys to the Black vaults.

Fortunately, he did have the Black Family Signet ring. His father had pressed it into his hands the day he left his house. Orion had always been the softer parent of the two even if he still supported Voldemort and pureblood supremacy with all of himself.

He passed the ring over to the goblin when he (or she, Harry was not sure what sex the severe looking creature was) demanded it. The goblin looked distastefully at Sirius's poly-juiced countenance. He was now a tanned, blue eyed curly headed strawberry blond (the hairs were taken from a young man across the aisle from Harry on the plane). Harry was a short chestnut brunette with brown eyes. His physical appearance was of an age around thirty two, so Harry tried to act less like a teenager. He was not sure if he managed it, but the goblin looked no more suspicious than goblins did naturally so Harry imagined he did.

The goblin was not unfamiliar with wizarding magic and knew of glamours and polyjuice potion and so let Sirius go into the hands of another goblin. They, named something incomprehensible in Russian or gobbledygook, led Harry and Sirius to the carts that were a feature in every Gringotts around the world.

The two wizards shared a grin. Both of them enjoyed speed, adrenaline and occasional recklessness.

They were going to enjoy this.

oOo

Holding one of Bellatrix's old hair ribbons in his hands Sirius cast Magico Aperio, to make spells visible. In a blur of light and coloured strings of neon all of to spells cast by Bellatrix appeared. They were not certain if Bellatrix was the only one who cast protections on the cup, but with luck she was. Their informant had told them that she was the only inner circle death eater to come to Russia. They were hoping her pride and sense of self importance would have stopped her from letting anyone help.

In the centre of the cyclone of spells was the cup. It was a bright yellow that only a Hufflepuff or an eternal optimist would enjoy. Its distinct badger design left no doubts as to its origin or to its creator. It was Hufflepuff's cup. One of the seven Horcruxes of the most dangerous dark wizard in existence. They had barely even had to look.

Voldemort may not have regained his body in the grave yard like he had planned but his spirit still roamed the Wizarding World, seeking a body and immortality. Harry had to destroy these horcruxes before he rose again, so he could kill Voldemort once and for all.

However, there was a problem. Multiple problems. Surrounding the prized antique there were countless protective spells, ones that could maim and kill and capture. Sirius had noticed a spell of the door that alerted the caster if an object was taken out of the vault. They could not take the cup out of the vault without informing the Death Eaters of their actions and ultimately their plan. They were going to have to destroy it here.

But first they had to get past all of the protections. Harry stared at them. He knew the counter-curses to some, due to Remus's Defence Against the Dark Arts lessons, but some where a mystery. He looked at Sirius.

"I can get rid of some" he offered, wincing at the sheer number of them, "How about you?"

Sirius nodded, "I can do the Circulus Aestuo one, that shouldn't be hard. Neither should Acies or Frigus Algid. Those ones I've known the counter curses to for years. The Areanna Morsus one, the Spider Bite, will be tricky, but I can do. Then all of the snake ones can be counter cured with the Helogale Parvula counter curse. That takes out about thirty."

Harry nodded and grinned at the last sentence, "an abundance of snakes, what a shock!" he quipped, pretending to sound surprised.

Sirius grinned back.

They slowly started to counter curse the spells protecting the cup. Calls of "Helogale Parvula!" echoed through the large vault until there were thirty less spells around the cup. However, there were still around fifty more. They got rid of the Frigus Algid and the Circlus Aestuo easily. The Acies came next, as it meant 'sharp' the counter curse was a simple call of 'Obtusimoll!". There were multiple uses of this but this did not surprise Sirius.

"It was probably Bella that put these up. It would be just like her to put causing the thief pain over variation in spells."

The Acies cut a million little cuts all over your body. It would only kill you if you panicked and sped up your blood flow, which tended to be what happened when his with millions of tiny paper cuts. But it hurt, a lot.

They deconstructed the protections until there are only a few left. Five spells that neither Harry nor Sirius knew how to counter. Harry was a teenage boy and Sirius was a year out of a thirteen year long sentence in the worst prison in the British Isles, some things were out of their range of knowledge.

Sirius reached into his pocket and pulled out a hand held mirror. It was old and tarnished slightly, but only in the way that would come about through long use and loving hands. He angled it so both Harry's and Sirius's faces could be seen in the reflection. Then with worried but fond smile on his face Sirius whispered "Remus".

Remus had been top in his year for Defence Against the Dark Arts when he was at Hogwarts. He had had an intense interest in the subject for years and had studied it after Hogwarts as well. Remus would know how to destroy these spells.

The reflections in the mirror wavered until a room came into view. It was their living room in Ohio. The mirror spun until Remus's tired face was all they could see. It looked strained, but that was to be expected from the stress of the full moon. Sirius wanted to ask if he was okay, but the longer they spent in this vault the higher the chance of the death eaters being alerted to their presence, and their plan. They did not know where half of the Horcruxes were, let alone were able to handle any increased security on them when they found them.

Remus frowned at them, "Why was James so upset at you once Harry started talking?"

Sirius laughed quietly, "because he used to call me 'Paddy' and it sounded like daddy and he was jealous because he used to think Harry was calling him but he was actually calling me."

Harry jerked around to stare at Sirius, "What?"

"Oh yeah," The brunet now blond grinned, "Your dad freaked out the first time that happened. He refused to let go of you for hours!"

"Really?" he laughed, and Sirius nodded, then Remus's voice broke though.

"What did you two want?" he asked, amused "I guessed you contacted me for a reason?"

Sirius sobered quickly and turned the mirror to show the different lights and gleams of the five spells they had not been able to counter. Sirius had recognised three of them but two were complete mysteries.

"There's the Addonexus curse and the Regis Mortis, and the Ruber Ultio spell. But I don't recognise the other two." Sirius said, pointing to the respective green, purple and red lights.

Remus hummed through the mirror, "Right use the Regina Vita for the Regis Mortis curse. It was a counter curse created for that spell. Use Spirovita, with the flick-circle-flick wand movement from the respiratory healer spells for the Addonexus curse. Ruber Ultio, that can be counter cursed with the Tibi Ignosco or the Caerulea Venia if one of the Ignosco spells doesn't work."

Harry practised the suggested spells a few times, whilst Remus watched. He nodded when Harry got them right. Sucking in a breath, there was no telling what would happen if they got this wrong. Ruber Ultio was notoriously temperamental when it came to counter curses. It set them off sometimes and welts from cat-o-nine-tails of red magic whipping you was not something that helped the counter cursing process.

Harry was terrified.

He lifted a shaky hand and forced it to calm. Then with a smooth wave on his wand he dispelled the Regis Mortis. Gaining confidence he flick-circle-flicked the Addonexus curse with the Spirovita spell away, watching as the green light was encircled with the blue of the Spirovita and as they both faded away.

Sirius turned to looked, filled with both pride and fear as Harry faced the Ruber Ultio. Harry's Phoenix feather and holly wand swirled through the air as bright wisps of a bright blue flew out of his wand and coated the red roped of the spell. They battled. The red over taking the blue. But, with beads of sweat decorating Harry's forehead, the blue vanquished the red and the Ruber Ultio faded. The Tibi Ignosco had worked.

Harry faced Sirius and the mirror and grinned.

There were still two spells though. Harry turned and faced the two unknown spells. One was a bright, violent orange, the other a sickly, sulphurous yellow.

"I think the orange one is Globus Pyro. It creates fireballs the size of beach balls, it's not very well known, but it is easy to combat. Just try the Ad Aeturno Glacies spell you can use on most fire spells. It should work."

Sirius nodded, and handed Harry the mirror. Sirius had been doing the Ad Aeturno Glacies spell for years. They were going to teach it to Harry next week. It was a spell that freezes all other spells and then they shatter like icicles when you touch them.

Sirius smiled and cast the spell. "Ad Aeturno Glacies!" he called and frostbite crept up the lines of the orange spell, until they were a clear, frozen blue. With a crooked smirk and a lazy hand he reached out and slapped the frozen spell. It shattered and fell to the ground with a light tinkling of bells.

There was just one spell left.

"The yellow one is ancient, I've only heard of it in old books. I thought it was lost. It's called Fames Prehendre. It means famine's grasp. It sucks the life out you slowly, over months. It's tortuous, no matter how much you eat you never get any sustenance. You starve." Remus paused, "be careful." He said lowly.

Harry nodded, "Just tell us how to get rid of it." He said, he wasn't going to let anything stop him.

"It's a spell translated as Feast of Many, it's called Epulo Multo. Its three circling gestures, left to right, then a jab through the centre of the circle. Be careful. It's not been done much, I've never tested it."

Harry looked at the mirror showing Remus's worried face. Then up at Sirius.

"We need to do something." he said, handing the mirror to his god father "if this is all we can do, we'll have to do it."

He aimed his wand at the yellow spell. Slowly and calmly circling his wand he called "Epulo Multo!" and jabbed his wand forward. Hands of bright green left his wand and reached for the yellow spell, but just as they reached the spell the hands disappeared. The spell had failed.

Sirius met Harry's shocked, lost gaze. Without this spell they were done. Without this spell they failed. Without this spell one seventh of Voldemort's soul survived for Voldemort to use for resurrection.

"Try it again." Suggested Sirius, frowning, worried.

Sounds echoed from the mirror as Harry tried and failed the spell again and again. Harry got more and more depressed as each attempt failed. But soon Remus was shouting "Wait! Wait a second!" out of the mirror.

Sirius lifted it again, and through it he could see Remus, racing around the living room, pulling out old books and scrolls wildly. He raced back to the mirror, showing them the battered leather book he had found.

"This is the one with the counter spell in it." He grinned, "It'll tell us what you're doing wrong."

He flipped quickly through the book's weathered pages until he was mid way through the book. Then he paused, eyes narrowed, intent on what he was reading. Then he paused, eyes moving over the same sentence again and again. When he looked back at Sirius and Harry through the mirror his face was relieved and ecstatic. He had found what they were looking for.

"You're putting the emphasis on the wrong part of the spell. You're saying E_pul_o Mul_to, _you need to be saying _E_pulo _Mul_to. Emphasis on the first syllable of each word, okay? Now, try it again."

Harry nodded, he was determined to do this. It was the last protection between them and the Hufflepuff Cup.

"EPULO MULTO!" he shouted, and hands shot from his wand and zoomed towards the spell. They seized the yellow light and wrenched it from its bearings. Fingers of yellow light were torn from the vault floor and the cup itself. They flailed in the air as the green hands ripped the spell to pieces. Once the hands stopped touching the spell they faded into nothingness. Harry, Sirius and Remus watched in glee as the last magical defence between them and a part of the soul of Voldemort.

Finally, the spell disappeared and the hands faded. They left a faint smell of forest in the air.

Shocked, and slightly disbelieving, Harry stepped forward, closer to Helga Hufflepuff's Cup, now unprotected.

oOo

Ron sighed. He was on his bed in the Gryffindor Boy's Dorm, his bed hangings were closed around him creating a scarlet cage, keeping him trapped, but giving him the privacy he needed to do what he needed to do. They kept people out as much as they kept him in.

The noises of the other boys in his dorm filtered in through his curtains just loud enough to annoy him. Quickly, he casted a silencing charm so he can hear nothing but his own thoughts and the rustle of the parchment that lay out on the bed in front of him.

They were letters.

From Harry.

There were dozens of them. The writing varies from precise and neat to messy, emotional and blotted with spilled ink. It was bloody intense, the emotion behind the ink staining each piece of parchment. Ron knew Hermione thinks he has the 'emotional range of a teaspoon' but even he can tell the pain and loneliness behind each one. Some had ink smears because Harry had been so angry when he had written them, so Ron knew Harry had had one of his rages whilst writing them. He traced one of the later ones. This one was smeared with tears.

Each spatter of dried salt water sent pains through his chest. He had never really seen Harry cry and the idea that he has and Ron was not there because he was _angry_ and _jealous_ was killing him. Ron gripped the red bed spread beneath him until there were strain marks spreading to the edge of the mattress. He felt so guilty.

He picked up the letters and read them through.

_Remus and Sirius don't know how the talk to me, they..._

Ron winced at this one, he knew how much Harry was trying, how much Remus and Sirius were trying. Bonding with the ghosts of dead parents, abusive guardians and 13 years of their absence between them was not easy and Ron knew that Harry was not open, he did not share. Sirius had been locked up in the worst jail in the existence. Remus was a bloody werewolf. None of them had it easy.

He picked up another one.

_...I saw a boy who looked like Cedric…_

He still felt a little uncomfortable with the idea of Harry and Cedric, but Cedric had been a good guy. He knew the pain his best mate had been in when Cedric had died. He knew that he had been so pissed off with Harry for hiding the fact he was gay that he had not been there for him. Hermione had been uncomfortable with the idea of Harry being gay so nobody had been there for him.

_It's so quiet here._

Pain pulsed through his temples. Harry had always disliked the quiet. Ron did not know why, he guessed it was because of the hours or days he spent as a kid without anyone talking to him, in the cupboard under the stairs. Ron could imagine Harry's bright green eyes peaking through a crack in the door. He never wanted Harry reminded of those times, especially when he was supposed to be taking a break and starting a new life.

_I hit Sirius today. He told me it was alright. He's wrong. _

Ron knew a feeling like that. He had been on both sides of it. When he lashed out at Harry in jealousy and Harry forgave him. But he had also been on Sirius's side of it. Harry had once lashed out and threw a plate at him. It had not really hurt him, just a shard imbedded in his arm when it shattered. Harry had calmed down straight away when he saw Ron was hurt and Ron had forgiven him. Sadly, it had taken it a while.

_...Joined a club today. It's ridiculous. They got so upset over the little things. They don't understand what pain is..._

It went on like this. Ron sometimes thought that Harry needed to be back here, in Britain, at Hogwarts, where he belonged. He knew that Harry needed time away from the Wizarding World, with Sirius and Remus after Cedric's death and the proving of Sirius's innocence but he also knew that Harry was surrounded by people that did not understand him, who he was, his background, his family. What he had been through. Not like Ron and Hermione did.

_I miss Hogwarts..._

They missed him too. Without Harry Hogwarts seemed empty. Harry had been there for Ron since the first train ride there on the Hogwarts Express. Hogwarts was not right without his best friend.

_Why won't you answer my letters?_

Ron did not know anymore. Dumbledore said it was necessary, that Harry needed time on his own. Ron couldn't help but think that he should have made sure that Harry knew that there were people here for him back in the Wizarding World as well. They were his family. He would go crazy if his mum or dad or Ginny or any of his brothers refused to return his letters. He had never realised just how much of his confidence came from the certainty that they would be there for him.


	4. The Dreams In Which I'm Dying

Title: The Advice of Lilith Adler.

Author: Chipmunki

Rating: T

Warnings: harsh language, homophobic language (seen from pov), slash (Sirius/Remus) and other teenage stuff.

Summary: Harry Potter is a pretty easy going guy, but yeah, he has a temper and quite a lot of hidden angst and now he's living in Lima, Ohio with his gay guardians and he's joining glee. Should be fun.

oOo

'By Definition, Glee Is About Opening Yourself Up To Joy.' Lilith Adler, Glee Advisor.

oOo

_It was a week after Cedric's death. A day after Dumbledore's great reveal. He's walking, as if in a trance, down twisting corridors and through secret passages. Then he stops. He's in the tower's second floor girl's bathroom. Myrtle's bathroom. The entrance to the Secret Chamber. He hisses to the tap. _

_The silver embellishment writhes for a second and then the portal opens. He has to be prepared. Even if it means going down there. He takes a step forward, but he must have forgot how slippery it was. His legs are yanked out from under him. Screaming, he speeds down the chute. _

_He cannot stop. Then, he slams into the ground and the animal bones covering it. He pulls himself up. The Chamber is dark around him, so dusty he can barely breathe. Everything is untouched. He follows the shed snake skin like a path to his destination. He can remember the fear he felt seeing this skin for the first time, but it just seems empty now. Discarded and unwanted. _

_He leaves it behind, he has bigger body parts to find. _

_It is only a few minutes before he comes upon his prize. It lays there. Long and dark, the dim lights glint of off the dull scales like reflections on a turbulent river. He smiles faintly, he's not really happy though. He never wanted to be in this chamber again, let alone for this reason._

_Let alone to desecrate the corpse of a mythical beast. _

_He reaches forward. His wand outstretched, the long inches of Holly extended towards the massive motionless mouth of the serpent lounging across the dirty stone chamber floor. He hesitantly taps the jaw of the beast with his wand, expecting it lunge at him, mouth opened wide, one remaining fang glistening in the low lights, slick with venom, slippery with painful death. _

_But it remains still. And he inches forward. _

_Quietly so as not to disturb the stagnant mysterious air of the Chamber of Secrets, he whispers, "Extorqueo"_

_It is a strangely violent word for the gentle delivery. _

_Harry watches with bright eyes as the bones of the snake shift. They pry loose of each other slightly, causing the corpse of the basilisk to sag, like somebody who had been beaten for a long time, now unconscious, completely lacking in resistance. Each bone had been dislodged from its natural place in the skeleton, popped out of joints and slipped away from its brothers and sisters._

_He reaches into the japing, dislocated jaw of the monster and gripping onto his prize with a steady hand he pulls. There is resistance, but after a second of the fixed, unwavering pull it popped away from the skeleton with a loud crack. Harry stumbles back. _

_Then, he gives the truest smile he has given since he heard Dumbledore's devastating news. Since he left that strange and peculiar office with the weight of a thousand innocent lives or more on his shoulders, since he became less of a child and more of an old hero. Doomed to lose themselves to the monster. Beat it, but still forever entrapped in its clawed grasp._

_In his hands he holds a basilisk fang, the key to the destruction of the six horcruxes of the most evil dark lord of the last century._

oOo

David Karofsky did not consider himself a bully. He was not one of those insecure little pussies on those after school shows dealing with his problems by beating other kids up. He was just putting those nerds and faggy Glee Clubbers in their place, like the dumpster.

At first he was confused about that Potter kid. The guy was kind of tall, and good looking (not that Dave noticed in a gay way! It was just like an observation or something.), he was doing well in classes and he seemed to get on well enough with everyone. Sure his parents were fags and that has got to mess a kid up, like Berry. Jesus. She was insane. But he seemed like an alright guy. Plus he sounded kind of like Bond and Dave had never really recovered from his childhood hero worship of the British spy.

But then the guy had punched him.

Right on the fucking nose.

What a dick.

Dave had ended up getting suspended for two days. That was alright, a couple of days off lounging on the couch playing on his X-Box. A lay in on a school day. Score, right? But then his mom started to nag him.

And his dad got that disappointed look on his face whenever Dave got in trouble for fighting at school and Dave ended up feeling like shit when he thought he would be having fun.

His mom refused to let him use his X-Box and she gave him half of his bratty sister's chores. What a bitch.

But he got back on a Friday. He charged through the school corridors. He could not afford to let those losers think they were better than him just because he got suspended. That fag Kurt already looked him in the eye and insulted him all the time. It was bad enough he had to let that fly without taking it from the nerds and freaks that went to this crappy school.

He shoulder checked a geeky looking guy into the lockers and glared at all of the others. Azimio met him on the way to History and handed him a delicious looking slushie. It's bright green and God it felt good to see one of these things. He rounded the corner and he was not ashamed to say he was looking for that James Bond wannabe to properly douse with this ice cold bitch slap in his hand.

But he did not see him anywhere. Azimio turned to him.

"Potter's out until Tuesday. Family stuff." He said, slapping Karofsky on the back with a grin, "don't worry, dude, we'll get him next week."

Karofsky nodded and threw his slushie over the unsuspecting Berry, standing on her own next to her locker. Azimio grinned at him and threw his over some nerd the other side of the hallway.

They shared a grin, and Karofsky looked around the hallway. When Potter came back to school Karofsky would be waiting. That little dick would regret getting him suspended.

oOo

The atmosphere in the auditorium was amazing; they had just finished their last set, Rachel had rejoined the group and the audience seemed to love them!

The Glee Club cheered in celebration, hugging each other, laughing and shouting. The football players embraced the losers and the Cheerios giggled alike with their own and with those lower in the food chain. It was definitely awesome.

Tina laughed into Mike's shoulder as he drew her into a hug, she knew the hand ruffling her hair was Matt's. Although she and Mike had been going to the same Asian camp since they were just kids none of their interactions had been as happy or a carefree as these. She bent down to hug Artie next, both of them laughing their heads off! As original members of the Glee Club, this great performance meant so much more.

They would never have had the chance to do this without the others and without Mr Schue!

Still though, she knew something was missing, someone. Laughing and jumping in celebration with the rest of the New Directions was amazing, almost perfect. But Harry had become one of her best friends since she had been introduced to him (by her mom, so typical of her!) and, to be honest, this win felt just a little bit empty without him to enjoy to with.

And it would have been so much fun to see his reaction to April.

Tina danced off of the stage with her friends, and wondered what Harry had been doing when he should have been up on stage, singing with the rest of them.

oOo

Harry and Sirius neared the Horcrux, wary, just in case there were any more hidden charms and curses around the precious, disgusting object. Harry reached out for it, stilling when he realised his hand was shaking. The violent tremors were proof of his terror, his weakness. Even if he was not a Hogwarts any more he was still a Gryffindor. He was ashamed of his fear, the fact he was scared when he should have been full of bravery, _courage, _like other Gryffindors.

A hand clasped warmly over his shoulder. The comfort it gave him allowed his hand to still, his confidence to grow and for him to finally finish his journey to the Horcrux. He felt so much stronger with the love and support of his family behind him.

Just as his fingers grazed the yellow cup a sound echoed from behind them. It was the slow, scraping sound of the door opening. Grey eyes met green. Both as panicked as each other. They had come so far! Gotten so close!

They might never get a chance like this again.

Harry dived to the left, soaring behind a heap of old looking magical artefacts. Sirius scrambled to the right, he hurried behind one of the many stacks and piles of gold galleons that lay, seemingly uncounted and uncared for, in the vault.

As Harry moved a bright flare of light peered through the gaps in the objects. It was the spell on the door! If someone saw it they would know they had been there, and no one entering the vault could be on the side of light in this magical war! Eyes wide and panicked, he desperately tried to alert Sirius to the spell that could reveal them.

He caught Sirius's eye, jerking his head toward the door. Just like a sand timer, the door slowly creaked open. The tension rose every millimetre it moves. They were running out of time!

He waved his hand like he was trying to cast a spell, trying to signal to Sirius about the glowing spell work on the arch above the door, but he just looked confused. He was shaking his head, and furrowing his brow in response.

Finally Harry went for the simple approach. He pointed. Sirius followed his finger and at last saw the glowing blue lines of the observation spell – the only spell by Bellatrix they had not destroyed. Quickly Sirius whipped out his wand and whispered the counter spell furiously, panicked by how little time they had before the vault's intruders were upon them.

Just as he managed to counter curse the spell away the door finished its journey inwards. Harry ducked back down behind the piles of magical objects he was hidden behind, staying as still as possible and hoping Sirius had done the same. If Sirius was caught Harry simply had no idea what he would do. But he had faith in Sirius. The man was intelligent, and as sly as a fox. He would hide himself perfectly.

As there was a shift in the object to Harry's left, Harry realised that the one he should be worried for was himself. There was a murmur of voices as Harry froze. He should have cast a disillusionment charm on himself, should have brought his father's invisibility cloak. Why was he so stupid?

"The Dark Lord demanded it, Narcissa, and that is why we are bringing it to him!" spoke Lucius Malfoy, his voice as sneering and superior as it had always been. So both of the Malfoy parents were here. And they were here to get something for Voldemort. If only Harry could figure out what.

Knowing that Sirius would be praying for Harry to be doing the exact opposite, Harry shifted carefully on to his feet. He slowly reallocated his footing. He could see, just slightly, where Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy were. Suddenly a flash of black velvet was in front of his face. Through the hole in the clumsily arranged objects in front of him Harry could see the cloth robes of another person. Could it be Malfoy? He thought to himself furiously. Or was it someone more dangerous?

"Mother! What is this?" Harry relaxed, it was only Malfoy. He could handle Malfoy, the ferret. Bellatrix, he would be lost, Fenrir, he would be done, and, Snape, he would be in deep, deep dragon shit.

"Don't touch that, Draco!" snapped Mrs Malfoy, "It is an incredibly dangerous object." Harry could hear her footsteps get louder as she neared Malfoy, and Harry. He tried not to move. His breathing slowed and quietened. Narcissa Malfoy ne Black had never officially taken the Dark Mark, but there were stories about what she had done to prisoners during the First War at The Dark Lord's request. Bellatrix was insane and completely unreserved about showing her slavish love for Voldemort and Lucius was blood thirsty to the end and treated muggles and muggle borns like animals that he could hunt. But Narcissa went cold when she fought. She served curses with a smile, like a housewife would serve tea, as cold and treacherous as ice. She cared for her son though. For him she was as warm as any mother. With him there she was weak.

Or stronger, Harry thought. Most mothers were at their strongest when protecting their children. If he had to, he would aim for her first. He hoped it would not come to that. It would royally bugger up their plans if two of Voldemort was alerted to their actions against his Horcrux, which the disappearance of two of his strongest supporters and their son would probably do.

"That," continued Mrs Malfoy's smooth, aristocratic voice "is a mechanical, clockwork mouse my great-great-great grand uncle, your great-great-great-great uncle, Cygnus Black had devised, to scamper into his enemies."

She paused, and Harry could hear Malfoy Senior's footsteps echo around the vault as he strode. He paused occasionally. Was he looking for something? The Black velvet of Draco Malfoy's robe's covered Harry's spy hole and he could not see what the Malfoy family was doing. He could hear them though.

"Does it spy on them, mother? Record their secrets and bring them back to us?" asked Draco, voice eager.

"No, my dearest child, it explodes."

Harry heard Lucius Malfoy's footsteps falter. Silence fell. Harry tensed further.

Then Lucius continued on and picked up an object with a clanging of metal.

"Come, Narcissa, Draco, I've found what the Dark Lord requires. We must be on our way."

The sharp, light steps of Mrs Malfoy _ratt-tatted _immediately in the echoing chamber. The Black velvet paused, still in Harry's view.

"Now, Draco," said Lucius Malfoy, sharply. Draco followed swiftly.

Harry relaxed as he heard the vault doors closing behind the Malfoys but he did not dare move for another minute. Until he heard Sirius's light, fast footsteps as he pace towards him he stayed frozen.

"Come on, Harry, we're almost done." Sirius's voice was victorious, but Harry knew they still had to destroy the Horcrux. And there was the problematic appearance of the Malfoys.

"What did they take?" Harry asked, "Could you see?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, and Harry felt the guilt rise in him that he had taken the victory out of his voice and replaced it with worry with a single sentence. "It was just an old book, though, I don't know what they would have wanted out of any of the dark shit in here!"

"They are a dark family, Sirius, I imagine any of the books from this vault would have been very interesting to the Malfoys." Harry said,

"Slimy snakes!" Sirius spat, as he walked over to the shelves of books that stood in the vault, he searched the titles. "Thankfully, my dear family organised them by content!" he laughed, running a finger over the dark leather spines until he came to the gap left by the book Lucius Malfoy took. "These books are all..."

He trailed off. Harry stared at him, "What are those books?" he asked, dreading the answer.

"Blood curses." Sirius answered. He was scared. Harry could see it in his face. He did not know what it was for, though; he did not know what blood curses were.

"What are they?" Harry said.

Sirius looked pained, "They're long distance curses, they use either the blood of the target, or the blood of the target's family."

"Oh," Harry said. If the Death Eaters were cursing Sirius, they could use the blood of at least four people to attack him with the undoubtedly terrible curses. Once again Harry realised just how bloody high the odds were stacked against them. Still, he thought, steeling himself, they could do something about those odds.

"Let's destroy that Horcrux. We can worry about those things when we've made it home safely." Harry suggested, gesturing with his wand to the Hufflepuff cup. It was still as bright and yellow as it had been when they first laid eyes on it. Harry was not ashamed to say that he would not mind stabbing the thing with a goblin made sword. He had never been one for bright colours, and he disliked them even more now.

Sirius's hand shot out as fast as a whip. Harry watched as he grasped an ornate looking sword. It was decorated with dark sapphires and onyx stones and one large opal in the centre of the hilt, which seemed to be made of heavy silver which had blackened with neglect around the edges of the complicated design.

"This was my many, many great grandfather's sword, forged by the goblins, made of their metals and by their tiny hands. It should do the job," he said as Harry studied the blade.

"It is called Midnight Moon." He declared, and swung it down to cleave the cup in two.

oOo

Ginny Weasley was not a sneak. She was not nearly as Slytherin as that. She just wanted to know if those letters Ron never opened around her, which were delivered by an internationally flying owl and left Hermione close to tears were from Harry.

She slipped past the giggling girls in the common room, tiptoeing quietly up the stairs to the boy's dormitories. She knew Ron was with the other sixth years, in the hall, stuffing his face, like usual. The pig.

She got easily into his dormitory and to his bed, which was a mess. The bed covers were pushed down to the end of the bed, crumpled and wrinkled. She ignored that though, and moved towards trunk at the bottom of his bed. It was worn and old. Second or third hand like all of the Weasley's belongings.

She opened it and begun to dig through Ron's stuff, pushing past his unwashed clothes with a wrinkled nose and a chuckle at his doodled on text books. She burrowed further and further into his trunk, pushing past the piles of Zonko's sweets and the rat food that proved Ron had not cleaned his trunk since Third year.

Her heart stopped when she found them.

Each of the envelopes they came in had been torn. The edges of the paper ripped and shredded. The letters themselves were more cared for. She could feel the hesitant way Ron must have handled them in them from the careful way they had been folded and pushed into the envelopes. They seemed to be ordered in age. The newest one was placed lovingly on the top of the pile. She grabbed them all and ran out of the dormitories. She would find a secret, quiet place to read them. She did not want to be disturbed.

She needed to be alone to do this.

She found a small, empty classroom, dusty from disuse. The old textbooks lay in stacks next to the chalk-stained blackboard. Just like she, they had been left behind.

Sitting down in an old chair that creaked under her weight, she looked at the stack of envelopes in her hand. There were 25 of them. One for each of the weeks Harry had not been home. She took the oldest one first.

It was written in biro on muggle paper, not parchment. It looked so plain and unassuming. She would never have guessed that this envelope would hold the key to Harry James Potter. She slid the letter out, pulling when it caught on the torn edges of the envelope where Ron had ripped it open to get at it quicker or in anger. Ginny was not sure which. Ron had been a mystery to her since Harry had left. She did not know whether he missed him, waned him gone, hated him, or loved him - maybe all of them at the same time. Hermione said that Ron had the emotional capacity of a spoon or something sometimes but, when it came to Harry, Ron felt a lot and deeply. Not all of the emotions good ones.

The letter was covered in Harry's messy handwriting, a strange but lovely mix of spiky and loopy. Ginny cannot help her sad smile at the sight of it, she takes a moment to once again familiarise herself with Harry's writing. It reminds her sharply of him. It's small and fast and surprising too. You would never think the way he curves some of his 'B's' and 'D's' to have come from the same hand as the 'S's' and 'Q's'. It shows his generous spirit and his impulsiveness.

Ginny likes to think, secretly to herself, that it is proof of how much she loves him that she can see so much in everything he does – even the little things.

His words strike her next, she always loved the conviction he spoke with and his care for others and his fist sentences of the letter are questions about Ron, Hermione and his adopted family and tales of Sirius and Remus. He does not mention her by name though, that breaks her heart.

She wants to devour his every word but she's on a mission. She searches the letter, and the next and the next, and all of them, for just one mention of where he had moved too, where she could go to find him.

oOo

Remus had waited before in his life. The time he sat outside the birthing room at St. Mungos with a laughing Sirius and a worried, pacing James waiting for Lily to five birth and Harry to come into the world. The time three months after Sirius had escaped out of Azkaban after he told Sirius he still loved him thirteen years later and waited for a response. On his eleventh birthday, waiting to see if he would receive his Hogwarts letter even though he was cursed. This wait was the worst though.

Waiting to see if his lover and his adopted son would return home from a life threatening mission against the most powerful dark wizard this century had ever seen was impossible. He tried to eat, he tried to work, and he tried to sleep. But his stomach threatened to rebel against anything he put into it, the work he did researching old and forgotten spells and enchantments felt as boring as the dust that covered the tomes he read and sleep always ended in sweat soaked awakenings after terrible nightmares. He sat instead. The phone was less than a metre away from him on the table and the door was firmly within his amber brown sights.

For hours, gaze fixed, stomach twisting, he waited for his family to come home.

oOo

It was only on the plane flight back that Harry allowed himself to relax and review the past half a day.

The Hufflepuff cup had screamed when Sirius cut it into two so they had had to leave quickly. Whilst it twisted and shrieked like a living being Sirius had grabbed the two books either side of the gap where the book Lucius had took. The Blacks occasionally bought doubles or triples of the books they thought desirable so that others would not have the chance to learn from them.

With a sly smile he also carried the sword out with him.

"It's just so pretty," he said, eyeing the gleam of the candlelight on its metallic surface. Harry had shaken his head and decided to let him keep the sword. He was pretty sure he could remember Sirius saying something about fencing lessons during one of the few times Sirius had talked about his childhood at the Blacks. They had had to cast a disillusion spell on it to go through the machines and sensors and stuff at the airport, though, all the while Harry glaring at Sirius.

He shifted in his seat, wiggling his shoulder to jiggle Sirius's head. He was asleep, snoring obnoxiously into Harry's right ear. He only hoped his godfather was not drooling. Unfortunately, Sirius was not jerked awake from the motion. Harry rolled his eyes. He had no idea how Sirius lasted through the first war with Voldemort. He slept like he was in a coma every time. Lazy bugger.

It gave him time to consider his circumstances. There was one less Horcrux in the world, but there was also a chance Voldemort knew that there were people destroying them. Remus's research came to the conclusion that the annihilation of the detached pieces of soul would not hurt or alert Voldemort, but actual evidence on Horcruxes was scarce and nobody had ever created six of them. No one was really sure how this could go.

Also, even if they had destroyed this one Horcrux there were the five more in the world and Voldemort to consider. And, as much as Harry was going to enjoy finally Avada-ing that snake eyed, nose-less bastard, killing Voldemort was going to be very, very difficult. They knew one was in Lima, Ohio, there was another in America, one in France, maybe, and one in Japan or China. The others were unknown unless their informants or the Order of the Phoenix (whilst being a little unless and Dumbledore less than open with his information) told them more. The one in Lima was eluding them and even so, that was the one they had the most information on.

Three words for what they were doing, thought Harry, with a sigh full of annoyance, wild goose chase. But someone had to do it, and he was The Chosen One.

Sometimes you have to do things you do not want to do, sometimes you have to give things up, sometimes you have to put yourself second to others – to The Greater Good. It was a bitter pill to swallow but apparently one Harry had been swallowing since he was a one year old child. He was used to it by now, and, to be honest, he much rather he had to do all of this than one of his peers. They all had family to miss them, he may have had Remus and Sirius but they had survived without him for 14 years and they could do it again with him dead. He knew Mrs Weasley would fall apart without Ron, without any of her children and from the way Hermione talked about her mum and dad if she died it would be like their entire world had fallen away from them.

With his thoughts firmly morose and depressing Harry rested his head against the plush seat as the plane began its descent to the runway. They were almost home. He nudged Sirius awake more forcefully and he woke up with a slobbery shout that made Harry and a couple of other passengers stifle laughs.

"We're almost there, Sirius, wake up."

Sirius smiled at him sleepily, the affection plain in his eyes. Harry felt a little gooey and uncomfortable just seeing it but still it made him warm inside. "We did it, Harry! We did it!" he whispered.

Harry did not have the heart to tell him it was only the beginning, and that he worst was yet to come. In his heart he knew Sirius was only playing up the feelings of success to give them both hope and even so he did not want to ruin it. He played along and smiled the biggest smile he could as the plane's wheels made contact smoothly with the earth.

And truly it was a happy occasion, they may not have won the war yet but they had begun it. They had won this battle and it was a start. His smile felt even truer just thinking of it.

oOo

Remus leapt up when the door opened. He barrelled into Sirius's arms, his hip bumping against the pommel of the sword Remus noticed was strapped to his hip. It would bruise but Remus did not care enough to stop hugging Sirius. He had been terrified the entire time Sirius and Harry had been gone that one of them had been hurt.

His body ached from the Change he had undergone yesterday, his head thrummed lightly with pain but he refused to let go. He reached out and grabbed one of Harry's hands as tightly as he could. Harry smiled at him, pushing up his glasses and trying to flatten his hair with the other hand. Remus could tell he was blushing, that he was pleased by both the show of affection for him and the fact tat neither he nor Sirius seemed to want to let go of each other. At least, he was certain he was not letting go of Sirius for some time.

"We did it, Moony!" Sirius whispered ferociously in his ear. "We did it!"

Harry patted his hand and pulled away, smiling, but eyes on the two books in his hands. Remus could see they were pretty dark books, but he buried his head into Sirius's neck. He would care about that later; right now he just needed to smell home.

oOo

Tina grinned in a decidedly Rachel Berry fashion as she woke up. She was not normally a morning person, but today she felt good. She felt awesome. She jumped out of bed and practically skipped to the bathroom, scooting past her younger brother and ruffling his hair playfully. Johnny grinned at her and she grinned back. He seemed to be as excited as she was. They both knew – Harry was coming home!

Tina let the water run down her body, she had woken up early today – refreshed and ready! She could afford to spend another ten or twenty minutes in the shower than she usually did. The red stripes in her hair were just as bright as they had been a few days ago, but she was considering adding gold ones as well – she just wasn't sure if they would just seem blonde-y instead of the metallic shade she was looking for. But she was a massive fan of the Gryffindor look – the colours made her feel brave, she thought, belting out Gloria Gaynor's 'I Will Survive' at the top of her voice, refusing to stutter even once.

When she got out of the shower she was still in high spirits, she danced across the bathroom, slipping once but recovering quickly with a laugh. She had missed Harry a lot while he had been gone. It was great to think that he was going to be back in her life – sure she did not get that fluttery feeling in her stomach when she thought of him like she did for Artie, but she sure as hell liked him more. Arties chauvinistic comments brought her down, as much as she fantasised sometimes about going out with him, she had a gut feeling she would spend half the time ecstatic and the other half demeaned and self conscious.

But she pushed the negative thoughts out of her head, getting dressed quickly in one of her more simple outfits and heading downstairs for breakfast. She dug into her toast, grinning, as her mom came in and kissed her on the top of the head.

This was going to be a good day.

oOo

It's dark around him. He cannot see anything, but quietly, he can hear a laugh. It gets louder and louder until he cannot hear anything else. He knows this laugh. It has been in his dreams since he was a child. It sends shivers up his spine. He's so scared he cannot move. He can barely breathe.

Voldemort.

Suddenly there is a flash of red light. It sears the air next to him. Then again. And again. It's so hot. He can feel it scorch his skin.

Then it hits him.

The pain makes him writhe, like a captured mouse, a kidnapped child. Or a witch burning on the stake.

He screams. His mouth is so wide his jaw cracks painfully. He hands are flailing. Each movement hurts him. The pain crests for a long second. The crescendo of torture wracks every cell of his body. It feels like every part of him is in a separate hell. Then in a painful climax he bolts up in his bed.

Harry jerked sideways as the door slammed open. Sirius's wide eyes meet his own. He knows it was a nightmare.

But he cannot stop screaming.

* * *

_yeah, i know, epically late, but guess what? I just finished some of the most important exams of my life. i think they went okay... :/_

_and there won't be another update for another couple of weeks because i'm going on holiday in like three days and it's doubtful ill bang out another chappie in that time, i think i should write another for spread my wings, let me fly first. erg, inspiration is not coming easily to me at this time for all of my glee/hp crossovers. _

_but i have some ideas for where this is all heading so... be patient, please. :)_

_Reviews would be awesome. really, they make my day, :)_


	5. Salvation

Title: The Advice of Lilith Adler.

Author: Chipmunki

Rating: T

Warnings: harsh language, homophobic language, slash (Sirius/Remus) and other teenage stuff.

Summary: Harry Potter is a pretty easy going guy, but yeah, he has a temper and quite a lot of hidden angst and now he's living in Lima, Ohio with his gay guardians and he's joining glee. Should be fun.

oOo

'By Definition, Glee Is About Opening Yourself Up To Joy.' Lilith Adler, Glee Advisor.

oOo

Harry stood in the shower. The cold water trailing icy fingers down his skin, but still he felt like he was on fire. Every nerve supercharged with lightning and all he could hear in his ears was the thunder of his own screams. His pathetic whimpering for help.

Harry lifted his head to the spray. Opening his mouth he tried to drown himself in the freezing water. But Sirius waited outside, pretending to need to use the bathroom but actually making sure Harry was okay. He turned off the water, slowly letting the water dawdle to a trickle of icy on his bowed head. Then stepped out and toiled himself dry. The towel was soft against his skin. He knew it was for all of them. Sirius loved soft things after twelve years in Azkaban, it gave him, with every gentle touch and supple stroke, the reassurance that he was free of the dreadful place that haunted him. Remus's skin was sensitive before and especially after a full moon, every inch of him aching, the feel of fabric caused him pain occasionally if it was too rough. For Harry they were a form of repression on some of his self harm tendencies. They were like padded handcuffs for the suicidal, only Harry's self harm was subconscious. He usually just towelled himself dry after a nightmare so viciously that his skin went raw and red. Most of the time Harry didn't realise he was doing it until after it was already done, and his skin ached to the touch.

Harry wrapped another towel around his waist, letting icy cold water drip from the wet locks of his hair onto his shoulders, chest and back like frozen particles of snow. He didn't know how to explain it. He could tell today was not going to be a good day – everything felt white.

He left the bathroom, got ready and let Remus drive him to school.

oOo

Tina was a Goth. She wore black she was quiet and she had once been called a worshipper of he devil by one of the preachers at the mall. Sure, there were sometimes a lot of different colours in her hair and she did sometimes wear some of that weird Lolita stuff, but most of the time she was her quiet, moody and actually quite angry self. When she got into one of her rants about feminism or vampirism or her rights she was actually quite terrifying. Which was why everyone in Glee Club seemed surprised to see Tina in such a good mood, not unhappy at the turn of events, but very much surprised.

Artie was among them.

He had been hoping to be the one to put a smile like that onto Tina's face. His blue eyes narrowed behind his black, thick framed glasses. He was not jealous, per say, just cautious. He knew that that Harry kid had no business messing with Tina's feelings! He might break her heart! Tina would only be safe with him!

Sure, Harry seemed nice but he was a Cheerio – he could be spy for Coach Sylvester! Even if he was not the Cheerios were not known for being kind and considerate, he would probably have no problem hurting Tina for kicks! Plus, as a Cheerio he was part of the 'cool' crowd, and, even if he and Tina were a brand of awesome so tasty that it was a shock the Cheerios and footballs players didn't recognise them, they didn't recognise them. Why would a Cheerio talk to a Glee Club loser like Tina?

He was not immune to the coolness that was Harry Potter. He had the cool British accent, the messy black hair (which managed to be sexy and look like somebody had run their hands through it whilst lip locked, whilst Artie's hair just looked like he'd run his hands through it whilst trying to get through a particularly hard part of World of War Craft) and he had that intense, angsty stare that girl's just seemed to faint at the sight of.

Maybe he would attract Tina if he was broody and uncommunicative! He immediately brightened, then realising his mistake, set his face in to a mask of grumpy anger, trying to give his eyes that deep stare that Harry's got when he had finished all of his work in class and was staring into space. Unfortunately, Brittany's boobs were almost perfectly centred in his eye line and he sunk once more into his Tina fuelled fantasies. There was one involving a Cheerios costume, a silver lexis, a sponge and bucket full of soapy water that was of great interest to him at the moment.

oOo

There was a large chance Harry didn't care about this concert. He was mostly annoyed that it meant that he wouldn't be able to talk to some of the glee girls during meetings. Tina was turning out to be a great friend, Brittany was adorable and, contrary to his earlier beliefs that she was actually the devil in disguise, Santana was causing some annoying yet pleasant ... stirrings in the southern hemisphere of Potter. He liked how she didn't take anything from anyone, she stood up for herself.

She was strong.

Plus, Harry was pretty sure she wouldn't care about the whole 'I have to go to Peru to find the collar of a stray dog that may be possessed with a sixth of the soul of the most evil wizard of the century' thing that Harry had to do sometimes. He liked her, he was sure of it, he got that weird feeling he got around girls and guys that he liked whenever she smirked her snarky little smile – even when it was not at him! The fact he had seen her do the splits multiple times with ease also helped with that kind of thinking.

He stood with the other boys whilst Kurt was directed to their group from his preferred team of the girls. He came unwillingly and whilst the other boys grumbled a bit at his reluctance – or just stood there looking a little confused like Finn, Harry was checking his watch. Remus said he was nearing finding the location of another horcrux and that he would call with news after class. It was almost ten minutes after school had ended and he still had not called.

Harry pulled his phone out again and checked the screen. No missed calls, no messages, nothing. He stuffed it back into his pocket and followed the others out of the room. He would call once the guys were further into their music discussion.

However, he didn't need to wait. The others broke off into groups of one and two; Finn sitting down in a chair and Mike and Matt going off into a corner chatting. Puck was, once again, admiring his upper arms and Kurt tried, loudly and several times, to suggest the use of the feathers of birds much too expensive for them to be able to buy and also maybe just a little too camp for most of the people in the room, including Harry.

He strode to the door, quickly murmuring that he would be back in a minute. He walked down the hall until he reached a quiet corner and pulled out his mobile. It was easy enough to find their home number, as it was first in his speed dial. Sirius's mobile, Remus's mobile and Sirius's work phone were next on that list. He would need those numbers, he thought, as the phone continued to ring. The answer phone picked up but Harry didn't bother leaving a message. He hastily hung up and rang Remus's mobile instead. He could feel the worry begin to grow. It caused his fingers to fumble slightly. Remus, Sirius and he had always promised to answer their phones unless they were physically unable too. They had spells to enable them to know they were ringing even if they were in a different house, Sirius had once run out of the shower, stark naked, shower foam only half covering his unmentionables and wet footsteps showing his long strides on the laminated floor, to grab the phone when Remus called, not realising Harry was sitting on the sofa across the room. The system had some difficulties but it was followed for a reason. They all knew this mission they had taken upon themselves was dangerous and they all expected to be hurt and they all knew there was a chance of death doing something like this. But Harry had not expected Remus to be the one in trouble. He had always thought it would be him leaving Remus and Sirius for Heaven or the afterlife or bloody nothingness. He would have preferred it to be him. Remus couldn't be dead.

He called Sirius. He knew that if something had happened to Remus, by some weird mating bond or Sirius's sheer love for Remus, he would know if something had happening.

There was half a minutes of silence, where the only sound Harry could here was the sound of the ring tone, carefully bringing with the sound of Harry's heart then less so, as the panic took over and Harry's heart sped up so fast it was a constant angry thrum in the back of his head.

Finally the phone was picked up. In a sudden, vicious cut off of the dial tone Sirius finally answered. His voice was laboured like he had picked up the phone in the middle of running or some sort of exercise. Knowing Sirius it was probably the first. He hated sports of any kind and, with his penchant for trouble, running away from the scene of a crime was a daily occurrence.

"I'm kind of in the middle of something, Kiddo," he said, wheezing down the phone line, "You want to hurry it up?"

"Remus isn't picking up," he said shortly, knowing his fear and worry was perceptible in every syllable.

"Yeah," said Sirius guiltily, "He's a little busy right now. He's fine though,"

Harry heard Remus huffing beside Sirius and his fear melted away, "What's going on?" he demanded.

Sirius said hastily, "Just wait a second!"

Through the mobile phone Harry could hear a series of bangs and scuffles. A loud groan echoed down the line. It sounded like Sirius and Harry's worry peeked its head up like a dog hearing the first shuffles of its owner entering the house.

"Alright," Sirius breathed with a voice so quiet Harry could barely hear it, "We're both fine, Remus just needs to buy a new phone. His old one broke an hour or so ago. At least he didn't sit on it like last time!"

"What are you doing?!" asked Harry, knowing his voice was getting to that shrill stage Remus liked to call very 'Lily' but not feeling the urge to stop it from doing so. He had been terrified for Remus and Sirius was making jokes. Sometimes his godfather could be a real bloody dick.

"We just made a quick trip to Venice," Sirius said, and murmured to Remus to hail a cab, "there's a man here who's a genius when it comes to blood curses. He's the world's foremost creator, studier and cataloguer of them. He even wrote a couple of spells in the books my dear cousin, her husband and their spawn took from the Black vaults."

An idea struck Harry, "You think they're going to use it against you don't you?"

Sirius didn't reply, the silence buzzed with the faint sound of static through the mobile.

"You wouldn't be going to this much trouble personally if you didn't. You would have informed someone – Dumbledore, the Order of the Phoenix if you didn't."

Sirius, again, didn't speak. The silence was charged with more than static this time. Tension grew like vines though the phone line and burrowed into Harry's brain. He had the childish urge to stamp his foot or hang up. Instead he murmured, "You didn't tell me."

"I was going to but-"

"I had a nightmare again," Harry finished. He knew both Sirius and Remus thought he was too burdened and hated to put more on him, especially when it led to the horrific results of his nightmares. But this was his war. It was started by him, when Voldemort and Pettigrew physically stole his blood for their ritual and it would end at his hand. Most, specifically, his hands around Voldemort's throat or one hand clenched into a fist whilst the other was wrapped tight around his wand as green light sprung like salvation from the end of it.

He needed to know things like Sirius's life being in danger.

"You should have told me." He said quickly and lowly, speaking over Sirius, "I hope you get home safe. I'll talk to you then."

Harry hung up the phone with a sad push of the button. He hoped this tangle or weariness, anger, sadness and betrayal was unravelled soon. He really didn't need it on top of all of his other problems.

Harry trundled back to the Glee rehearsal room, hoping the boys were just having a quiet meeting. Although knowing the New Directions kids as he did, he doubted that could ever happen. However, the Gleeks are thankfully quiet, just goofing around amongst themselves, not needing Harry to join in. Finn had disappeared somewhere, but the others were chatting to each other and laughing at funny videos they had brought up on their mobile phones. Puck made a crude joke and they all laughed.

He felt the bone deep weariness settle over him again. Just seeing these boys – his age but so carefree, made him feel a million years old. He just wanted to sleep. But he knew he needed to be awake and alert. He needed to defeat Voldemort. He needed to save the world.

But if he just closed his eyes for a second...

Maybe he wouldn't dream this time...

oOo

Finn almost skipped back to the music room. He didn't know what that crazy nurse who was also Mr Schue's crazy wife gave him but it was _awesome! _As he was too manly to skip instead he just speed walked, occasionally trying those dance moves that made Mike look so cool but only made him trip.

His heart bumped in his chest to a new, happier rhythm. He jumped into the room, flinging the door open. He caught sight of Harry Potter slumped over three chairs, just as fast asleep as he had been before had been given the awesome pills.

He jerked when Finn flung the door open, flailing an arm out and almost falling off of his bed constructed out of chairs. He managed to catch himself at the last minute though and rather gracefully sat up, squinting questioningly at Finn. Finn wished he was that graceful and less clumsy.

It would help him a lot with the glee club dance routines.

He ended up with a nose bleed last time because he got tangled up in his own feet whilst trying out one of the more difficult moves in their routine and banged his face on the corner of the piano. He didn't think Brad ever forgave him for getting blood on its shiny, shiny varnish. He had glared daggers at Finn for weeks after. Finn was a little scared of Brad to be completely honest. He had the feeling everyone in Glee club was. Except, maybe for Rachel, who just treated him like her personal piano player. Brad didn't seem to like that. He didn't complain though, so, he couldn't think it was so bad!

Finn attention was jerked back to Harry as he bolted up in his chair. He spun round to sit, feet firmly planted on the ground and head bowed low to stare at them. He rubbed his face with his hand and when he lifted his head up Finn noticed that he had bags under his eyes. He looked even more tired than Finn felt before he took Mrs Schue's cool pills.

And Finn had been so tired he began to suck at 'Call of Duty' and we are talking dying ten minutes in and that just was not normal for him. He rocked at 'Call of Duty'. His dad was a soldier when he was alive. 'Call of Duty' was pretty much in his blood!

He jiggled his leg absent-mindedly, feeling the packet of pills in his pocket jumping against his thigh to the rhythm of his leg. Inspiration struck him like a snake. Maybe he should give Harry one of the tablets!

Finn bounded over to Harry, who looked up at him blearily. Finn noticed that he had stubble, a much more mature and 'designer' stubble over his cheeks and chin than Finn was ever able to accomplish.

"Heya, Harry, Mrs Schue, Mr Schue's wife, who's now the school nurse gave me these awesome pills that make you really energetic!" he chirped, as the others in the room wandered over, "Do you want some?"

oOo

Energy buzzed through his system. It was like there was lightning trapped under his skin. He could take anything. He grinned at Finn as the boys of the Glee Club streamed onto stage, each one of them was as excited and hyper as the next.

The performance was kind of a blur. He remembered singing, and maybe some dancing, and the strange, unfamiliar ache of his cheeks hurting because he had been grinning too hard for too long. The clapping of the girls, Mr Schue and Miss Pillsbury sounded like thunder to his ears. He revelled in it. He hadn't felt this free since Hogwarts, with the wind rushing past him and tangling in his hair, on a broom with a glint of gold in the corner of his eye, playing Quidditch. He accepted a hug of off Tina, who was grinning a little nervously, before bounding off, his bag jumping behind him jerkily. He had so many ideas!

They had been hypothesizing on what exactly had been chosen by Voldemort to hold the section of his soul and they knew he had used the artefacts that had belonged to the founders of Hogwarts and spread those across the world but what if he kept one close? What if he always wanted one near so he could keep it safe?

Harry made a mental note to look up whether living beings could be used as horcruxes, or at least ask Remus. He remembered being in Voldemort's head, the fondness with which he had regarded it. And Harry remembered the snake itself. The way it was so intelligent, even with his own parseltongue abilities, he had never met a snake that was so smart, so sly.

Remus was picking him up after school and he bounced to the car. He was still so angry but even so, his face stretched into a grin. His cheeks were burning at this point and it felt like the muscles on his face were made out of steel. He was so happy to see Remus and Sirius, especially after hearing that they had almost died. Remus's red car was parked near the entrance, and Harry could see him through the windshield. He looked wan, tired and grey.

It pulled the energy right out of him.

The door flew open when he pulled it. He tried to just calmly sit down but he couldn't help but bound across the car to wrap his arms around Remus. He pulled back after a second, not able to stay in the same place for long. But Remus looked softer after, calmer and happier. Satisfaction coursed through Harry. His leg bounced in place.

"What's up with you?" Remus asked

He knew there was nothing to be ashamed of with the vitamins, but he knew Remus wouldn't see it that way. There wasn't something wrong with it but adults didn't understand things like that much.

"Nothing, just in a weird mood," his voice sounded unnaturally buoyant, even to his ears. He didn't think he'd ever been as ecstatic as this. His upbringing with the Dursleys didn't leave him with much of a character for casual glee.

Remus gave a soft chuff. Sirius had a barking laugh, like his animagus form was peeking through, but Remus, when he was fondly amused, let out these little huffs of laughter, almost soundless. It was a nice sound. It was a nice day. Harry told Remus and Sirius about his suspicions, and they thought they were good. Even the suggestions of the difficulties that Nagini introduced wasn't enough to ruin the mood. They watched muggle films and Sirius taught Harry a completely useless spell that stretched out the eyelashes of people into butterfly wings. If they left them long enough, the butterflies fluttered off their faces to flap around the room. They lasted longer than Harry expected and the dozens of brightly coloured insects fluttered around the room for hours until quivering into showers of sparks that matched the colours of their wings.

It was only when Harry threw up his dinner all over the coffee table in the living room that things turned bad. The silence rung as his vomit dripped on to the carpet.

oOo

Harry missed the girl's performance and almost missed the aftermath of Mr Schuester finding out about the 'vitamins', which seemed even less of a good idea walking into the sad music room then it had whilst he was coming down from them, sweating, anxious and unable to sleep, with writhing, screaming nightmares when he did. As it was he walked in late to the meeting, getting an eyeball from Mr Schue and a sympathising smile from Tina. He stood by her, and felt her fidget beside him as she waited for Mr Schue to finish talking before interrogating him.

Then Sue came in. She said something about putting on a ritz, then glared at Harry. He missed a rehearsal last night, and he knew there was going to be consequences. The thing was he felt even more exhausted now than he did before and he just didn't want to deal with her. She was crazy and he can feel the familiar stir of anger inside of him. He glared back. She seemed to take that as a challenge.

"You don't miss one more of my rehearsals, okay, young chimney sweep Dick Van Dyke?"

Who the hell was Dick Van Dyke?

"Sorry, Coach," he said, feeling like he was talking to Snape again, the disgust and rage rolled in his stomach again. "Next time I go crazy from the side effects of the drugs the school nurse lied to us about, I'll be sure to come in and throw up over you instead of my living room floor."

Mr Schue winced.

"You better." Sylvester said, he zoned out when she went on to give another ridiculous and impossible anecdote that she had probably made up.

When she left Tina turned to him, "So Remus kept you home then?"

"He wanted to, but it was Sirius that demanded it. At first he thought the affects were funny but then he got worried-"

"Wait? Your dads are gay?!" Rachel said spinning round, her hair flared out around her. "But-"

"They're my guardians actually." Harry said, a little uncomfortable with the fire in her eyes.

"Does that mean you're adopted?" She asked, Harry went to answer but she just carried on, "I was planned, my dad's picked the prettiest, most talented woman they could find and they impregnated her with both of their semen because they didn't want to know which one of them was my biological father. It's a mystery!"

She sounded really proud of her story, which was great, but a little smug about it too. Tina nudged his side and Harry realised he hadn't said anything.

"Yeah, I'm adopted." He realised he sounded a little short, "My parents died when I was a baby."

"Oh," Rachel said, her face twisted sympathetically, "I'm sorry,"

The other's in the music room had paused and turned to look too. He shifted in his seat.

"It's fine, I don't really remember them."

"Right!" Said Mr Schuster loudly, "Well obviously we can't use those two performances for Sectionals. I'm so disappointed guys, but really I think we should all just go home and get a new start tomorrow."

The others moved out, the shame and sadness melting away into laughter and smiles.

"Harry? Can I talk to you just for a second?" Mr Schue said, and Harry paused on the way to the door. Remus was waiting for him in the car. He hadn't wanted to leave.

"I'm sorry about your parents, Harry, I didn't know."

"It's fine," he said. He didn't really want to talk about this parents.

"Well, I'm here if you need to talk about it or anything at all. I know it can be hard to lose a parent."

"Like I said, it's fine. My guardian's waiting for me."

Without waiting for a response, he turned and walked off.

Of course, there was Coach Sylvester again. She was standing in the shadows but when she saw Harry she stepped out into the light dramatically.

"Potter. You really had that bad of a reaction to the pills Schuester's crazy wife gave you?"

Harry shrugged, "They just exasperated some things already going on."

She frowned, "You alright?"

"No coach, I beat up a hockey player three times bigger than me because I'm well-adjusted and issue free."

"Well," she reached out to clasp his shoulder for a second. The anger drained out of him. Maybe she was more a Mcgonagoll type teacher, with the kindness just further down. "You miss one more Cheerios practice and I'll rain terror down on you like it was monsoon season in the Phillipines and the water had been turned to pure fear."

Or maybe not.

oOo

Remus was waiting in the car like he said he would be. There was an open book leant against the steering wheel, which had a cracked and dusty leather cover. It was a copy of one of the books that had been taken from the Black vault by the Malfoys and Remus had been pouring over it whenever he wasn't taking care of Harry. When Harry opened the door he closed the book and carefully slid it into the pocket on his door. He hadn't let him see it, neither him nor Sirius were letting Harry know anything about this. It was like, after the vitamin incident, they didn't trust him at all anymore.

Remus turned on the ignition and carefully drove the car out. He hadn't said a word to Harry since he had woken up. The car drive was silent, apart from the occasional sighs from Remus. Harry noticed he kept on opening his mouth as if to say something before giving up, exhaling, and shutting his mouth.

He broke the silence now.

"I'm just concerned, Harry," he said, his voice was so soft, Harry couldn't help but feel guilty, "We know you have to deal with a lot but to turn to drugs instead of us?"

"I didn't turn to drugs!" he said, indignantly, "Finn said they were vitamins!"

Remus's eyes were shrewd, "And you had no clue they were anything else?"

Harry shrugged, it wasn't that he didn't have suspicions but he was just so tired. And if the others were doing it, and Finn got them from the nurse, it didn't seem like a good idea.

Remus sighed at the non-answer. Sirius was silent beside him, with his face red and strained. Harry wouldn't have been surprised if he desperately wanted to say something but that he and Remus had agreed that Remus would do all the talking. Sirius was charismatic but Remus was definitely the logical one, he was better with arguments, making them and winning them.

"Harry," he started weakly, "We just want to know why you'd choose to take them at all. To the other kids in your club the pills were just a way to give a good performance, but it's different for you. You used them for a different reason, right?"

"Do you think I wanted to be sick like I was yesterday? That's ridiculous!"

"I think you're in pain, Harry, and you wanted to do anything to feel something different."

Harry folded his feelings in himself. It was humiliating. He didn't want anything more than for Remus and Sirius to stop looking at him like they were. He didn't want to feel the way he did, it was true, but nobody would. The nightmares, the constant panic, he couldn't breathe over what could happen to the people he loved, whether they be right in front of him or completely out of view in Scotland. He felt sick all the time.

The drugs had helped. For that short amount of time from when they boosted him up before they dragged him down again he felt like he could breathe. Everything was easier. The world didn't feel as heavy anymore.

"Maybe," he said quietly, "I've just been so tired. And I know this isn't what anyone wants."

He couldn't help but dart a look at Sirius, who looked like he had been physically hit.

"What do you mean?"

"I just-" he stopped, he didn't want to talk about this, as much as he hated thinking about it, he knew that Sirius was only in this mess, almost dying, because of him. He would've preferred it if Harry had died instead of James. Losing the closest thing to family he had had broken Sirius just as much as Azkaban did. He finally managed to say something, "My dad, I mean…"

Sirius sat down beside him and folded him into his arm. He was warm against Harry's cheek and he couldn't help but relax a little. "Harry, I know I was reckless as a kid, and I know I pushed you to be reckless too, to be more like your dad but I want you to be safe more, and that means you have to be more careful! We just love you so much, Prongslet, you mean so much to us and there's already so much that could happen with this war."

Harry couldn't help but close his eyes. Remus's hand landed on his head gently, ruffling his hair. He didn't mind Sirius wanting him to be like his dad. He knew it made him happy and he wanted to make Sirius happy. But it was a relief to hear Sirius say he didn't want Harry just because of his dad.

"We know you're not him," said Remus, perceptively "and we don't want you to be. We love you for you."

"Of course," added Sirius.

For once, the darkness behind his eyelids was comforting, and the bone deep ache all over his body didn't fill him with trepidation. Hopefully, when sleep eventually came, it could be one without nightmares.

oOo

It wasn't.

oOo


End file.
